The Expert on Your Child is You
From the moment my child entered the world, the countless hours we’ve spent together have taught me an invaluable lesson: as a parent, you likely understand your child more profoundly than anyone else. In parenting, absorbing expert advice and professional guidance is essential, but equally important is tailoring that advice to your child’s unique needs. Before I put on my hat as a communication and media expert, I want to emphasize that in the realm of young children, you are the unparalleled expert on your own child. Trust your parental instincts more than any external advice.
Personalizing Expert Advice – A New Parent’s Potty Training Adventure
As a new parent, I had no preconceived notions about when or how to start potty training. This journey began unexpectedly when my daughter, around 24 months old, saw another child in daycare using the potty and expressed her own interest. Inspired by her curiosity, I turned to the Libby app, linked to our library, and immersed myself in audiobooks about potty training. After listening to several books on the subject, “Oh Crap! Potty Training” by Jamie Glowacki became my go-to guide. My husband and I decided to dedicate a Thanksgiving weekend for this task. We followed the book’s advice closely, yet adapted it to suit our daughter’s temperament and needs.
Navigating Parenthood with Intuition
Despite the expert advice to avoid saying “that’s okay” during potty training mishaps, as it could lead children to believe it’s not a big deal to make mistakes, I noticed my daughter’s intense reaction to accidents. She would get extremely upset, which prompted me to reassess our approach. Recognizing her perfectionist tendencies, I adapted my responses to reassure her, thereby reducing her stress and helping her cope with the accidents more calmly. This adjustment helped her cope with mistakes more calmly. Over time, she began to respond to mishaps by saying, “Mom, I made a mistake. I’m sorry. But everyone learns from their mistakes, right?” This calm demeanor shows her growing resilience.
This is a classic example of how understanding your child’s personality and needs can sometimes lead you to stray from expert advice for their betterment.
Had my daughter been less affected by her mistakes or more relaxed about potty training mishaps, perhaps following the experts’ advice of avoiding “that’s okay” would have been the right approach. However, her tendency towards perfectionism meant she needed to understand that making mistakes is a normal and essential part of learning. Recognizing this, I opted to diverge from the standard advice, adapting my response to suit her individual personality and requirements.
Beyond the Expertise: Trusting Parental Intuition
Another instance where I diverged from expert opinion was in response to “Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids” by Kim John Payne. This book deeply influenced me, especially in fostering a mindful approach to my children’s material possessions, including toys. While my daughter does have toys, she has fewer compared to her peers, aligning with the principles I adopted from the book.
However, when it came to books, I found myself diverging from Payne’s advice that too many books might overwhelm children. After my daughter was born, I quickly realized that our bilingual household, where Korean language and culture are integral, needed more Korean books than what our local library could offer. I began accumulating Korean books from community sales and received many from my parents in Korea. As a result, our home transformed into a mini-library brimming with Korean books.
My daughter adores this abundance of books. Though not yet fluent in reading Korean, she remembers stories we read to her, browses the books independently, and even creates her own narratives from the pictures. She frequently expresses her love for reading and is always eager to visit bookstores and libraries.
This love for books may be a trait she inherited from me – I’ve always been a book lover, dreaming of reading every book in the world since my childhood. Similarly, my husband is an avid reader. In our limited bilingual library context, and considering my daughter’s joy in reading, our home naturally became a sanctuary of books. It’s a testament to understanding our unique family situation and my daughter’s interests, proving sometimes a parent’s intuition can guide better than expert advice.
The Prelude to Parenting Wisdom
As we conclude this prelude, I want to reinforce the idea that knowing more gives you a broader palette to paint your unique parenting journey. What works for one child may not work for another, and as a parent, you are best equipped to decide what’s right for your family. Remember, the insights and strategies I share here are mere tools for your parenting toolbox; it’s up to you to choose which ones to use.
Thank you for joining me in these initial reflections. I am excited to venture deeper into the world of parenting in my upcoming posts, exploring the complexities and joys that come with raising a child.
